I had planned to write so much over the summer, alas, that didn’t happen like I wanted. Instead, I have been consumed with fears about my health.  A hospital stay, blood tests, and waiting have taken up all of my head space. So this is about that. A personal post.

For the past few months, regardless of any physical activity I have tried to keep on a regular schedule, I have been more exhausted and in more pain. Mentally, I feel fine. Which is a plus. But physically, it is like no matter what I do, everything hurts and I always feel sick in some way.  So mid summer one day, I nearly fainted. I chalked it up to not eating that day. But then the next day, it happened three times. So I decided to go to the hospital. As I was standing up to go tell my brother to drive me, I collapsed. Not only was I incredibly dizzy, I could barely breathe and felt so so tired. It was like I had ran a friggin marathon. My heart pounding and irregular. (I don’t think there was any pain, nothing serious anyway, but pain is difficult for me to notice sometimes) I spent the night in the hospital due to an irregular result from an EKG at the night docs office. Turns out it was atrial fibrillation, and I was put on meds to stop that from happening again. They asked me question after question. Any changes to diet, have I been injured, etc. I couldn’t answer, for as far as I know, nothing has changed. So a lung X-ray and an MRI of the abdomen later, they told me they couldn’t find anything and sent me home. I then got a call later that day telling me that my blood test showed a high level of white blood cells and I was given an apt for another blood test. Then another appointment to speak with the haematologist. At that appointment I was told that my platelet count is high. So I was to have ANOTHER blood test done and then come back in two weeks. They mentioned a possible bone marrow biopsy, which sent my anxiety through the roof, but they assured me that something would be found in my blood tests. They were probably trying to make me feel better. But the fact remains, my autistic brain took it to the overthink level and I, of course, had to research as much as possible.  This next appointment is tomorrow where I get to hear the new results. Ive read as much as I can find on what the platelet thing means, there are too many conditions that can cause it. So of course, Ive been trying to keep track of my symptoms to maybe try to figure it out, so that Im not surprised at my next visit. To no avail, I might add. Because I have never been really good at pinpointing exactly where and what hurts.  Which is an autistic thing, apparently. High pain tolerance and difficulty gauging physical stuffs. I feel the pain, but the severity doesn’t register. I have abdomen pain pretty much all the time, but the last scan showed nothing wrong. Oh, I forgot to mention the docs said, two weeks ago, that my spleen is swollen. Which is a result of the high platelet count, or could be several of those conditions that I mentioned earlier. One good thing to come of all of this, is that the heart meds, while the side effects sucked balls for the first couple of weeks it has totally helped my anxiety. I still get anxious, but I don’t get it to the point of being completely disabling in the moment. So there is that. Silver lining. Trying to keep it positive.

Just reading about the platelet thing sort of helped, but it also gives me pause, because some of the conditions that cause a high count are rather scary. While the logical part of my brain is telling me to stop googling and just wait for the results, all the rest of me is going to the worse case scenario. And I hate waiting. I hate it so much.,

Anyway, this is what is on my mind lately. Apologies for grammatical errors and such.

Thanks for reading.