I am Autistic.  That is not up for debate.  But for some reason, very often, actually, it seems to become the topic of discussion when I do bring it up while trying to “voice” an experience I may have had that relates to a particular online post.  I’ve been venturing out, more and more, out of Autism groups and posting on my own personal page, and my posts are being shared and so the audience grows.  This is supposed to be a good thing. My hope is that my experiences of growing up without a diagnosis (I have one now) might shed some light on some things for others.  I never claim to speak for everyone on the spectrum, I only talk about myself. But, I generalize a lot, and that gets misunderstood.

I found this meme and posted it because I relate to much of it.

It was shared at least 30 times… and I think that being shared as much as it was it brought the pink lady to my post.  I covered her name and photo in [pussy] pink while my name is covered in black, like my soul…

Admittedly, I had zero patience from the beginning, and I know that I could have responded differently, but as the “conversation” progressed I realized that it wouldn’t have mattered. She had her mind made up and was looking for a fight. After my yawn comment her response was something along the lines of blah blah blah, under your skin, blah blah blah I’m an idiot. — I’m paraphrasing. And then I was blocked.  The fact that she called Autism a “mental disease” shows the lack of knowledge in her case, regardless of her brother having autism –If she even has a brother.  I came to the conclusion that this particular individual has lived with (maybe) someone on the spectrum and seen it, but has never taken the time to actually see things from their point of view.  And so when her name went black I decided to just delete the comments and be done with it.  Thing is, this will continue, I know that, and I guess I was just surprised it happened so soon on my personal profile. Granted, it was a public post- the point is to get it out there- but it took me by surprise nonetheless. And I know this happens a lot, to many other Autistics that advocate online. It happens to me in groups all the time. But this is something of a noteworthy experience, in my opinion, because it means my posts are getting around.  This could be good, all in all, despite the negativity that ensues.  And I wanted to document this momentous occasion, in the fact that it has found it’s way to my posts. Irritating, though, as it may be. It’s still kinda cool.

I wont let things like this deter me from what I am trying to do. I am at the beginning of my journey, so to speak. I now have a diagnosis, the pieces are finally coming together, and my childhood makes more sense.  Even though I suspected Autism for several years it hasn’t exactly hit home until recently, when I received my diagnosis, a sort of recognition or validation, perhaps?  I have been meaning to write about it… my thoughts on the transition, as it were.  But instead I dove headfirst into the cesspool that is Online Autism Groups and have been trying to find my way back to the surface. It is pretty easy to get caught up in the online drama.  And over the past year I have learned a lot and am hoping to use these lessons to my advantage in polishing my skills as a writer and perhaps as I go along- helping one or two people along the way by posting my own experiences.  I do so hope that you will accompany me on this journey.