ASD Sibling Rivalry

Holy cow, you guys, it’s been four friggin months since my last post.

I have found it hard to get any real time to write with the kiddos being out of school, recently, but before that? Well, before that we had a ton of new things to file for… disability and other things. So I have managed to put those things on the top of the priority list, and once completed I simply retreated into my own little world of … well… being an Autism mom.  Those of you who have kids on the spectrum know that it can easily take up every ounce of your time.  Once you think you have them finally happy with something, another thing becomes an issue.  For example: I turned on my daughter’s cartoon (the one she has watched a million and one times) and thought it would, at the very least, distract her for a little while, but within moments of walking away she yelled for me to fix her shirt, it fit funny, then I walked away and moments later she wanted yogurt… then I walked away again and she yells that she made a mess, or wants cereal in the yogurt, or a new spoon or or or…

It becomes the norm, doesn’t it? Getting pulled in every which way, you want to go to the left but the kid wants to go to the right… constantly fighting for control of any given situation.

With my ten year old, things are pretty steady. He wants to play Minecraft or watch Youtube videos. Sometimes I suggest going outside… he says no, then I say “Boy, put on some clothes and go outside for a minute, would ya?” Because he likes to stay in his undies all day… of course.  And he whines but he does it eventually.. Then he comes in a few minutes later and says it was boring and is right back on the computer.

With my three year old, things are a bit more chaotic.  She isn’t diagnosed, yet, we are waiting on her eval which should be around January or so.  But she definitely shows the signs. Albeit she is more social than her brother, but then again girls kind of are. It seems, or so I hear from others, that the girls on the spectrum tend to mimic more easily and learn to socialize a bit better… but you can still see the signs if you know what you are looking for.  My girl is headstrong and sometimes mean.  She is finally starting to use more than one word at a time (speech delays that are finally getting better), two or three so far in a sentence, so that is a plus. But, she seems to be more sensory sensitive which leads to, more often than not, violent outbursts.  You can’t look at her without her losing her shit, basically, at certain times. Or touch her, or hold her, or talk to her. She has to come to you, otherwise don’t even bother. She is also a destructo beast. She runs throughout the house tearing things down from the tables, empties anything that can be emptied, and she likes to pour any liquid out and play in it for a while (perhaps she is sensory seeking?) until she is done and then yells at me because she is not happy with the mess she made.  She changes her mind like crazy, but once she is doing something she does want to do, it is hard to get her to stop that and start something else.  Also she doesn’t seem to have any real sense of danger… she climbs, jumps, runs and falls and then does it all over again. When she does hurt herself she brushes it off quickly and moves on, so she seems to also have a high tolerance for pain.

Those two together is insane. Her brother is not only ASD but also ADHD so he can run and run, which in turn gets his sister hyped up and she runs a long with him.  Then she gets mad at some point and they start fighting. She hurts him usually… he seems to be sensitive in that way, barely touching him is painful,and the end of the world, of course. And she is a bit of a deviant, I think she finds his reactions funny. I am pretty sure she doesn’t understand that he has feelings too. So basically every single day I have to tear them apart at some point, usually several times.  Right now as I type this, I can hear her yelling and it sounds like, for the first time today, he is actually trying to calm the situation rather than fight with her, so there is hope for this family yet. lol.

I’m trying to work out how to handle these two together. It doesnt seem to make much of a difference to explain it to her yet, she just brushes me off. Right now it is what she wants and it doesn’t seem she can be reasoned with. She is only three years old after all. So it lies on me and her brother to handle these things accordingly.  Disciplining the three year old is difficult. At least with the boy I can take away an electronic and explain why it’s happening… the girl, however, I think she only feels persecuted if I do try to discipline her. I have managed, at one point, to get her to listen by turning off her cartoon or threatening a nap…  she has listened to that, even if it is only for a few moments. But I can’t keep threatening things that I wont follow through on. So today, I actually did it, I turned off her cartoon, which she likes to have playing all the time while she plays, even if she isnt watching it. (I cant say anything bad about that, I do the same with my shows…) She threw her little fit, was not receiving a word I relayed, but when she wore herself out I managed to get her to understand that it will come back on when she settles down, and it friggin WORKED! Yes. Now, maybe I can work up to different punishments, because now I think I have started to get her to finally listen, if only for a moment. She isnt fully verbal so communication can be difficult between us.  I am not one of those moms who knows what every little sound means. I don’t know how these mom’s manage to decipher such things, but I certainly can’t. Every time I thought I had it figured out turned out I was wrong. so most of the time it’s confusion in this house, but day by day it is becoming a tiny bit better. Just gotta keep at it.

So, that is how my life is going. If I find anything that works with my *possibly* ASD and even maybe ODD little girl, I will definitely write about it.

And since Ive actually paid for the premium blog options, Id better keep writing or Im wasting my money. Expect more to come!

About DruJoKat

Autistic, mom, writer, poet, science enthusiast. Just trying to survive in this world made for the extroverted typical brain.
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